“The Shallows” – A Film Review

Name: The Shallows (2016)
Genre: Survival Horror / Thriller
Rating: 6/10

I had not heard much about this movie before it seemed to jump out of nowhere and bite me. Just like the shark! HAHA, fuck it let’s watch the trailer!


Trailer :


A mere 200 yards from shore, surfer Nancy is attacked by a great white shark, with her short journey to safety becoming the ultimate contest of wills.

Shark Attack

This one was tough, and here’s why: All shark movies (at least the good ones) are compared to Jaws. They just are. That movie came out and people stopped going into the water. THAT’S a fucking movie! Now I tried to go into this and NOT do that. Which wasn’t hard since the first half of the movie is shot more like a music video. With the text pop ups and the FaceTime screen on the beach. And the location is fucking gorgeous! The shots from under the water are fantastic, like watching BBC’s Planet Earth.

Then it starts to get heavy on the slow-mo and over dramatic shots. Yeah I know being hunted by a shark would be dramatic, suck my balls. It’s just too over the fucking top with the dead mom, cancer, sister, dad thing. “She’s a fighter!” No shit. Show me the person that’s going to sit back and let a shark eat them. Oh and how convenient she’s a doctor/nurse/medic whatever. Anyone else would have died. “That’s the point!” FUCK OFF! Jesus, look at me arguing with myself. Let’s call a truce and all agree that Blake Lively looked great.


That’s better. With her being alone to fight this they needed to give her someone to chat with so she’s not always talking to her self. I know just the person!


Yep… that happened. That aside, it wasn’t until the last 20 mins of the movie we got the REAL fucking movie. Im assuming that was the premise, and they built all the other stuff around it. It has a 75% rating on rotten tomatoes so I’m in the minority on this. For me it comes down to “would I watch it again?” Nah I’m good. Tell me what you thought.

Now, run along kiddies…